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Matterhorn Endowment

He is believed to be the leader in penis-size to wealth ratio (ala crazy/hot scale) with Lorenzo 3 inches ahead of other prominent billionaires. See how he matches up.

The Family Jewels:

One year at the annual International VMIIUGI masquerade at Kensington Palace, Elizabeth the II accidentally dropped her earring down a mysterious shaft, never to be seen again. Luckily, my cuff links were an almost identical marquise diamond cut and I was happy to loan them to her for the evening. She never looked better. Next thing I know, BOOM, knighted! But, I am not into labels so need to call me Sir Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, although that is "technically" my name now.

LORENZO VON MATTERHORN
Von Matterhorn Industries International Unlimited Global Inc.

Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, accomplished Jai Alai champion and beloved opera singer, founded VMIIUGI in 1997, with one simple mission statement: to apply the values of synergy and human capital to business ventures and other fiduciary instruments as guidelines of the building blocks of corporate foundation as per ventures incorporated and such as.
Now a huge multi-national corporation, VMIIUGI is so big it's like maybe Von Matterhorn is a bad guy from a James Bond movie, except he's totally sweet and all of his body parts work normally.(Some of them above average. What up.) But he's not a bad guy. I mean, he's a little bad, drives a motorcycle, that kind of thing, but just the right amount of bad where he's not boring and maybe the right girl could turn him into a real catch. Boyfriend material, if we're being honest. But she'd have to be something really special. Like 36C at least.
Von Matterhorn is an industry leader in the manufacture of cute shoes, walk-in closets, chocolate, ponies, chocolate ponies, and female orgasms.


Von Matterhorn, reclusive billionaire